Super Nanny
February 13, 2008
Tomorrow is Valentines’ Day. You wouldn’t know if had you been around our house tonight. We had a pretty big blow out. I would rate it as remarkable. It’s interesting to me, really. We spent some time this weekend with friends who have two daughters from the same orphanage. If we are rookies, they are upperclassmen. They’ve been home for almost two years now. We’ve watched them go through some of the same stuff that we are facing now. In our discussions this weekend, we were talking about how the big blow outs always begin with the little things.
There have been some tremors in the past week and we knew the “big one” was coming and so it did. The girls were watching a movie (without asking permission) after dinner when Dasha got a call from her friend - which was great. She started to talk and Gina and I met in the bathroom (because it is turning out to be our safe room) for a conference about one of the other kids. About the time that Gina was getting to the good part we heard a knock at the door. It was Kirby and she was telling on Dasha because she was told to “shut up.” Now this is not allowed in our happy little home so we decided to deal with it right away. Phone call cut short and then we addressed the foul – only problem was that the offender would not apologize.
Well, now. So we followed her around trying to get a direct answer on why she wouldn’t. I think it was more about being embarrassed than anything. It ended up spilling over in the hall when Gina would not move out of her way as she fled from my presence. We all ended up in the girls’ bedroom sitting and chatting – well, that is the way I’ll describe it…. At least none of the adults raised their voices.
The conversation soon degraded to the “I don’t belong here, you’re not my real parents, she’s not my real sister, everything is better in Ukraine, I think I’ll just eat worms” conversation. Everybody we know with a teenage Ukrainian has had this little talk. And so it was our time. Now I’ve got to say, it is tough to take that from the object of your affection. Whew! Stick and stones – right?
So nothing really got resolved, but we never wavered in our love and devotion to her - at least not outwardly. Oh, this is tough! It ended up with Gina hugging and giving out free kisses.
So while all this was going on the other two were in our room – I suppose because you can hear better from there – watching TV. And as you have guessed it what was on the tube but Super Nanny dealing with at three year old. How funny is that? Man, I can’t make this stuff up.
I took the other two to the store to pick up some valentines for tomorrow and left Gina and her at home. We returned to a different climate than that which we left. It seems that while we were gone, she came out of her shell and apologized to Gina and explained what exactly had happened. Nobody got hurt and nobody ran away. So we sleep tonight thankful that we are bonding and getting it all out in the open.
And Gina, you are the original Super Nanny. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
A Great Day
February 2, 2008
Happy Groundhog Day. Those of you familiar with our blog might recognize the significance of this day. Being in Ukraine on an adoption was compared to the movie “Groundhog Day” not only by us but also by complete strangers that we met at the embassy. How funny! How accurate. So as I watched Phil and Phil driving their little red truck over the edge last night in an effort to escape, I couldn’t help but reminisce. But home we are now. And on we life we go.
What I am about to do to you is deceitful. Not necessarily on purpose. It is just easy to celebrate the good things and maybe overlook some of the bad. We had a great day today. Gina had asked for a day off and so the kids and I had a day together. It was my job to try to plan out about half a day’s worth of activity. I’ve got to be honest here, I was worried about keeping them occupied. In the shower this morning, I had decided that we would spend the day in nature.
One thing I love about where we live is the abundance of woods and water and hills nearby. Between our home and town exists a state park which is a real gem. We often camp there with friends. It has several lakes and a lot of woods. They have a little waterfall which is really dramatic in wet weather, but it doesn’t much when it is dry. It’s pretty easy to find and the drive up to it is really scenic.
So it was on. I would take the kids for a little hike. It was awesome (once we were all on the same page)! I took a lot of pictures of the kids. The girls (led by the immigrant) decided to barefoot it into the water and goof around. Not something that a mom would approve, but hey, she was off for the day. It was such a pleasure to see them interacting and enjoying God’s creation and the wonder of this little place tucked away with sprawl all around. It was just so “natural.”
I knew Austin and Kirby didn’t mind getting dirty out in the woods, but I wasn’t sure how Dasha would react. She took to it like a duck in water – wet feet and all.
I’ve posted a link to the photos for your reference.
photo link
This was a great day – regardless of how we started or how we ended. I will celebrate the good and try to overlook the bad. I will commit to fight for the stability that we can achieve as a family and also for the position that God has granted me as a father to a former orphan – a child that is a blessing to us and is teaching us much about ourselves (in the Hosea sense).
Enjoy the illusion, but know that you were warned in advance!
February 2, 2008
Happy Groundhog Day. Those of you familiar with our blog might recognize the significance of this day. Being in Ukraine on an adoption was compared to the movie “Groundhog Day” not only by us but also by complete strangers that we met at the embassy. How funny! How accurate. So as I watched Phil and Phil driving their little red truck over the edge last night in an effort to escape, I couldn’t help but reminisce. But home we are now. And on we life we go.
What I am about to do to you is deceitful. Not necessarily on purpose. It is just easy to celebrate the good things and maybe overlook some of the bad. We had a great day today. Gina had asked for a day off and so the kids and I had a day together. It was my job to try to plan out about half a day’s worth of activity. I’ve got to be honest here, I was worried about keeping them occupied. In the shower this morning, I had decided that we would spend the day in nature.
One thing I love about where we live is the abundance of woods and water and hills nearby. Between our home and town exists a state park which is a real gem. We often camp there with friends. It has several lakes and a lot of woods. They have a little waterfall which is really dramatic in wet weather, but it doesn’t much when it is dry. It’s pretty easy to find and the drive up to it is really scenic.
So it was on. I would take the kids for a little hike. It was awesome (once we were all on the same page)! I took a lot of pictures of the kids. The girls (led by the immigrant) decided to barefoot it into the water and goof around. Not something that a mom would approve, but hey, she was off for the day. It was such a pleasure to see them interacting and enjoying God’s creation and the wonder of this little place tucked away with sprawl all around. It was just so “natural.”
I knew Austin and Kirby didn’t mind getting dirty out in the woods, but I wasn’t sure how Dasha would react. She took to it like a duck in water – wet feet and all.
I’ve posted a link to the photos for your reference.
photo link
This was a great day – regardless of how we started or how we ended. I will celebrate the good and try to overlook the bad. I will commit to fight for the stability that we can achieve as a family and also for the position that God has granted me as a father to a former orphan – a child that is a blessing to us and is teaching us much about ourselves (in the Hosea sense).
Enjoy the illusion, but know that you were warned in advance!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Another Way
January 29, 2008
The past few weeks have been about adjustments and the search for a routine and “settling in.” We are making steady progress and things are going well. We have so many wonderful resources here locally and that has really been a blessing. One of those resources is the UAB International Adoption Clinic. We were introduced to this facility/program a couple of years ago by our agency. They hold seminars from time to time for families considering international adoption. They exposed us to the possible problems that exist in the adoption realm – some of which can be really scary if you are not prepared. I am so thankful that we were introduced to these folks.
Most “normal” people adopt younger children – kids 5 years and younger. Our little club/cult of adoptive families has busted up that stereotype completely. So there is/was a little bit of a disconnect with the appropriateness of the material that was normally presented, but adjustments are being made to meet the current needs.
One of the things that they do is to perform an initial health and mental screening for the children. We took Dasha for her first appointment a week ago and they ran a battery of tests – both physical and mental. They also provide therapy services. Now unfortunately, I was unable to be a part of this initial screening. However, Gina was told that we were doing “all the right things.” Obviously, this includes taking on some communist traits in our little household. We’ve really clamped down on almost everything that a kid could enjoy here. Many restrictions now exist in order to control the environment.
To be honest with you, I am the one struggling to connect (or to be connected to). I have the disadvantage (although viewed as a luxury by Gina) of working M-F. I think there is a misunderstanding among Ukrainian females about the role of a man. I think this may be a cultural thing. I know that I’m not the only dude around here that has struggled with it. Who knows - it may be an emotional thing particular to our daughter. But it is worth fighting through.
Gina went back for the second visit with the therapist this week. She made the therapist aware of the issues that we/I am experiencing. Now I realized that Dasha really hasn’t had a man to deal with in her life. I know we’re weird (at least from the female perspective). I know we smell different and act different. My role in this family is “leader.” All of the leaders that she has known were women and Gina is doing her fair share, but she always defers to me as the head of the household – not in a quivering kind of way – but in a respectful way.
So anyway, this therapist recognizes these same things and made mention of them. Her analogy was something about a wheat field with a well-worn path through it. Why wheat? Don’t know. Suppose it could be any old field. Dasha is the one walking this path everyday. She hasn’t really veered off the path because until now, there hasn’t been a reason for any other path. Now here we show up and we want to take her down so many other paths and expose her to so many other things – enriching things – things to help develop and grow her mind and body and soul.
How can one relate to such a quandary? Well, I’ll tell you what God showed me today. I had to travel up to my hometown today for a little breakfast event. If you know anything about NW Alabama, you are aware of the ongoing construction of this little road referred to as Corridor “X.” This is a freeway from Memphis to Birmingham – soon to be deemed Interstate 22. This project has been underway for 25 years. Mississippi had their part finished about 10 years ago. Alabama’s part has been under construction for a while. Granted our portion is a little more complicated, not mention expensive, due to topographical challenges. There in only five miles remaining to be constructed in Alabama. Shortly before Thanksgiving last year a major portion was opened from just outside of Birmingham all the way to Memphis.
As a civil engineer, I have tracked its progress closely. I’ve twisted and rearranged my routes to be able to travel on remote parts of this road as it has opened just to see what it looked like. I’m a looser and I know it! But major road construction like this is so rare.
So with this new portion opened our route to Jasper has changed. We head up Interstate 65 past malfunction junction and then wind around through some back roads to put on at the very end of the road. It is another way. It is obviously very new. Grass is still coming up, the pavement is still black and the markings and signs are still bright and shiny. It is a truly beautiful stretch of road, but it is different than the way we once went.
The old way was so familiar. I think I can drive it in my sleep. With the new road now in service, the commercial traffic on the old road has decreased dramatically. Which means that there is really no net time savings by taking the new way, but it is new. There are advantages and disadvantages to both ways, but upon the ultimate completion of the last five miles, the new way will be by far the best way.
As you can probably imagine, this is what I was thinking of as I drove up there. My job is to teach Dasha another way - a new way to live; a new way to view men; a new way to love. This is no easy task, but likewise the new way is by far the best way.
Please pray for us and for our sanity as we continue on this journey. We need to be aware of teachable moments and also have the guts to be disciplinarians – not easy to balance especially not knowing the full history of our daughter. Whew! We’re nuts, but you know, what else were we going to do? Oh, what a privilege it is to be called to this mission!
The Graces
January 29, 2008
The past few weeks have been about adjustments and the search for a routine and “settling in.” We are making steady progress and things are going well. We have so many wonderful resources here locally and that has really been a blessing. One of those resources is the UAB International Adoption Clinic. We were introduced to this facility/program a couple of years ago by our agency. They hold seminars from time to time for families considering international adoption. They exposed us to the possible problems that exist in the adoption realm – some of which can be really scary if you are not prepared. I am so thankful that we were introduced to these folks.
Most “normal” people adopt younger children – kids 5 years and younger. Our little club/cult of adoptive families has busted up that stereotype completely. So there is/was a little bit of a disconnect with the appropriateness of the material that was normally presented, but adjustments are being made to meet the current needs.
One of the things that they do is to perform an initial health and mental screening for the children. We took Dasha for her first appointment a week ago and they ran a battery of tests – both physical and mental. They also provide therapy services. Now unfortunately, I was unable to be a part of this initial screening. However, Gina was told that we were doing “all the right things.” Obviously, this includes taking on some communist traits in our little household. We’ve really clamped down on almost everything that a kid could enjoy here. Many restrictions now exist in order to control the environment.
To be honest with you, I am the one struggling to connect (or to be connected to). I have the disadvantage (although viewed as a luxury by Gina) of working M-F. I think there is a misunderstanding among Ukrainian females about the role of a man. I think this may be a cultural thing. I know that I’m not the only dude around here that has struggled with it. Who knows - it may be an emotional thing particular to our daughter. But it is worth fighting through.
Gina went back for the second visit with the therapist this week. She made the therapist aware of the issues that we/I am experiencing. Now I realized that Dasha really hasn’t had a man to deal with in her life. I know we’re weird (at least from the female perspective). I know we smell different and act different. My role in this family is “leader.” All of the leaders that she has known were women and Gina is doing her fair share, but she always defers to me as the head of the household – not in a quivering kind of way – but in a respectful way.
So anyway, this therapist recognizes these same things and made mention of them. Her analogy was something about a wheat field with a well-worn path through it. Why wheat? Don’t know. Suppose it could be any old field. Dasha is the one walking this path everyday. She hasn’t really veered off the path because until now, there hasn’t been a reason for any other path. Now here we show up and we want to take her down so many other paths and expose her to so many other things – enriching things – things to help develop and grow her mind and body and soul.
How can one relate to such a quandary? Well, I’ll tell you what God showed me today. I had to travel up to my hometown today for a little breakfast event. If you know anything about NW Alabama, you are aware of the ongoing construction of this little road referred to as Corridor “X.” This is a freeway from Memphis to Birmingham – soon to be deemed Interstate 22. This project has been underway for 25 years. Mississippi had their part finished about 10 years ago. Alabama’s part has been under construction for a while. Granted our portion is a little more complicated, not mention expensive, due to topographical challenges. There in only five miles remaining to be constructed in Alabama. Shortly before Thanksgiving last year a major portion was opened from just outside of Birmingham all the way to Memphis.
As a civil engineer, I have tracked its progress closely. I’ve twisted and rearranged my routes to be able to travel on remote parts of this road as it has opened just to see what it looked like. I’m a looser and I know it! But major road construction like this is so rare.
So with this new portion opened our route to Jasper has changed. We head up Interstate 65 past malfunction junction and then wind around through some back roads to put on at the very end of the road. It is another way. It is obviously very new. Grass is still coming up, the pavement is still black and the markings and signs are still bright and shiny. It is a truly beautiful stretch of road, but it is different than the way we once went.
The old way was so familiar. I think I can drive it in my sleep. With the new road now in service, the commercial traffic on the old road has decreased dramatically. Which means that there is really no net time savings by taking the new way, but it is new. There are advantages and disadvantages to both ways, but upon the ultimate completion of the last five miles, the new way will be by far the best way.
As you can probably imagine, this is what I was thinking of as I drove up there. My job is to teach Dasha another way - a new way to live; a new way to view men; a new way to love. This is no easy task, but likewise the new way is by far the best way.
Please pray for us and for our sanity as we continue on this journey. We need to be aware of teachable moments and also have the guts to be disciplinarians – not easy to balance especially not knowing the full history of our daughter. Whew! We’re nuts, but you know, what else were we going to do? Oh, what a privilege it is to be called to this mission!
The Graces
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Rock…. Steady
January 27, 2008
Three weeks now… Today was a big step. We decided to join our brothers and sisters back at our local fellowship of believers – you know, that place that we once called “church.” Oh, how we have missed being there. We’ve missed our brothers and sisters. It was so good to be with them again. I’d rate the experience as overall “good.” There was a little excitement over the seating arrangement and an impromptu bathroom break, but these event were overcome and we were able to successfully complete the service and actually pay attention to most of it. How refreshing.
After the worship service we opted out of the lunch plans due to the venue. I had taken her to this particular restaurant (of which I am personally fond) and was stiff-armed with a great big “FOO!” So in an effort to avoid any further conflict we decided on a pizza place and it turned out pretty good.
We continue to limit exposure to media outlets like TV and computer and it seems to have been accepted – not only by our new daughter, but also by our bio kids. This has been a nice change of pace, but at first it required a lot of “filler” activities. The kids have begun to fill their own time now with more beneficial activities like reading or helping out with housework – novel idea, huh?
So overall we’re entering into a stable pace of life. All is not yet back to normal and frankly we don’t ever expect that it will be again. But hey, what is normal anyway?
Blessings,
The Graces
January 27, 2008
Three weeks now… Today was a big step. We decided to join our brothers and sisters back at our local fellowship of believers – you know, that place that we once called “church.” Oh, how we have missed being there. We’ve missed our brothers and sisters. It was so good to be with them again. I’d rate the experience as overall “good.” There was a little excitement over the seating arrangement and an impromptu bathroom break, but these event were overcome and we were able to successfully complete the service and actually pay attention to most of it. How refreshing.
After the worship service we opted out of the lunch plans due to the venue. I had taken her to this particular restaurant (of which I am personally fond) and was stiff-armed with a great big “FOO!” So in an effort to avoid any further conflict we decided on a pizza place and it turned out pretty good.
We continue to limit exposure to media outlets like TV and computer and it seems to have been accepted – not only by our new daughter, but also by our bio kids. This has been a nice change of pace, but at first it required a lot of “filler” activities. The kids have begun to fill their own time now with more beneficial activities like reading or helping out with housework – novel idea, huh?
So overall we’re entering into a stable pace of life. All is not yet back to normal and frankly we don’t ever expect that it will be again. But hey, what is normal anyway?
Blessings,
The Graces
Wicked Weather
January 21, 2008
Two weeks down, many more to come. We continue to settle in – learning new routines and behaviors. Finding out what works and what does not. Sometimes we are weary. Sometimes we are giddy. I would rate the experience so far “as better than expected.” It ain’t perfect, but, hey, it is going OK. If I had to compare it to the weather, I would call it balmy. Not bad, but should be improving.
So speaking of the weather – those of you from around here know that weather in Alabama can change in an instant. So in our two weeks home, we have huddled in the bathroom because of imminent tornadoes and we had made a milk and bread run to the store because snow was in the forecast. Talk about variation! I would rate the moods under the roof to have been variable, but not quite as bad as the literal weather. We are learning to notice the signs of oncoming storms and also what leads to sunny days.
until later....
Papa
January 21, 2008
Two weeks down, many more to come. We continue to settle in – learning new routines and behaviors. Finding out what works and what does not. Sometimes we are weary. Sometimes we are giddy. I would rate the experience so far “as better than expected.” It ain’t perfect, but, hey, it is going OK. If I had to compare it to the weather, I would call it balmy. Not bad, but should be improving.
So speaking of the weather – those of you from around here know that weather in Alabama can change in an instant. So in our two weeks home, we have huddled in the bathroom because of imminent tornadoes and we had made a milk and bread run to the store because snow was in the forecast. Talk about variation! I would rate the moods under the roof to have been variable, but not quite as bad as the literal weather. We are learning to notice the signs of oncoming storms and also what leads to sunny days.
until later....
Papa
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Ok Go!
January 13, 2008
The purpose of this blog is to document our journey from adoption forward. We are home and beginning to get settled. This is more about keeping records for our own sake rather than to share information. However, somebody may find that this information is helpful.
Anyway, enjoy!
The Graces
January 13, 2008
The purpose of this blog is to document our journey from adoption forward. We are home and beginning to get settled. This is more about keeping records for our own sake rather than to share information. However, somebody may find that this information is helpful.
Anyway, enjoy!
The Graces
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